Reality TV star Kim Kardashian has today been recognised by the Environment Agency for the significant contribution that her ample posterior makes to the natural landscape. ‘Important features such as those exhibited by Ms Kardashian must be conserved for the benefit of future generations,’ said Sir James Bevan, Chief Executive of the Environment Agency. ‘Her picturesque rear will now enjoy a heightened level of protection, while remaining available for the extensive outdoor recreation that it was known for in its younger days.’
Kardashian’s badunkadonk, which is visible from space and has its own gravitational field, has become a popular attraction in recent years, drawing thousands of sightseers who come to enjoy the view and the uniquely undulating terrain. Its new status, officials argue, will ensure that planning regulations can limit development and prevent the landmark behind being despoiled by unsightly erections.
However, the award of the first ever official designation of the title Area of Outstanding Natural Booty to Ms Kardashian’s phenomenal muckspreader is already causing controversy in some quarters. ‘There’s no doubting that Ms Kardashian’s derriere is bootylicious, but is it 100% natural?’ asked a spokeswoman for Friends of the Earth. ‘Our readings suggest unlicensed drilling beneath her surface and higher than normal levels of silicone. This can lead to dangerous and unintended noxious emissions.’
In future visitors to Kardashian’s panoramic fundament will be required to pay an entry fee which will contribute to the structure’s upkeep. The treasury spokesman said: ‘It’s not cheap maintaining such a massive, over-exposed arse – or Kanye, as she will insist on calling him.’
Long Distance Clara