A horrified nation has today been hit with the realisation that over the next 4 months George Galloway, Nigel Farage, Michael Gove and Boris Johnson will appear on television almost on an hourly basis.
Beryl Stokes of Ipswich voiced her fears, “I’m 76 now, I haven’t got long left. I don’t want to be seeing George Galloway staring back at me every 5 minutes like some sort of deviant Sinatra impersonator. And Gove, well, he looks like Pob would have if the Nazis had won.”
It was a view also shared by many of the nation’s youth. Dean Wyndham, 19, of Shrewsbury is full of dread, ‘I’m terrified. I honestly don’t care about Europe in the slightest, but I’m going to vote to stay in as it might make them all go away. I mean take Boris – he looks like a jelly baby dropped head first into a haystack.’
The realisation has also hit electronic retailers who predict an 80% reduction in TV, computers, tablets and hi-fi equipment sales as people try to avoid images and sounds related to the “Four Horseman of the Unpleasantness”. Already, communities are organising TV Smashing parties so they can put off seeing the “Axis of Ugly” for as long as possible.
When we reminded one member of the public that Ian Duncan Smith was also likely to feature heavily, she curled into a foetal position and rocked gently until she was taken away by concerned family members.