In a tightly worded statement from their HQ in Cupertino, California, Apple today officially refused to give FBI agents the codes to unlock hidden levels in the hit game, Angry Birds.
“This would set a dangerous precedent for Government agencies abusing their authority in order to gain an unfair advantage over the general public. We also feel the information would be dangerous in the wrong hands- Putin’s smugness at completing the game would be internationally intolerable.”
It is thought that the FBI has been stuck on the final levels of Angry Birds for quite some time, and productivity is at an all time low.
“We are asking for reasonable assistance in this important project that has far reaching implications for the future of our country”, said Chad Bersky, FBI Director of Cyber-intelligence. “We haven’t eliminated anyone from the most wanted list for ages, and GOD DAMMIT THOSE PIGS ARE LAUGHING AT ME AGAIN!”