Buckingham Palace admits Prince William as good as bald

prince william

Buckingham Palace today issued a statement indicating that from now on Prince William will be officially designated as bald. Unlike his father and uncles, the 27-year-old prince has told friends he will confront the family’s horseshoe hair loss, head on. William has already requested that palace stylists get out the clippers and give him ‘a number one’.

The prince’s long-term girlfriend Kate Middleton, rumoured to be the power behind the dome, reportedly told him, ‘I need you more to be more Bruce Willis and less Andrew Marr. A thinking person‘s Jason Statham.’

In the past the prince is said to have been sensitive about his thinning pate, and is even rumoured to have ended one heated discussion with Middleton by snapping, ‘Ok, I’m a slaphead, but how many castles and jump jets have you got, fatty?’

However, the prince has been prevented from adopting an even more radical look. Seniors members of the royal household allegedly stepped in to prevent William getting a planned ‘head tattoo’, of a lion statant wearing an imperial crown. At first the tattoo appeared to be a nod to the royal coat of arms, but upon on closer inspection it turned out to be Simba from The Lion King, one of William’s favourite films.

Royal hair correspondent Beverly Wright, believes the half-hair prince has few options but to confront his baldness: ‘William seems to have realised that he is going to have to live with that shining patch in his regal thatch. He can‘t do what Edward did, and try and backcomb it under the rug.

‘Being in the public eye so much, William can’t simply vanish off to a Swiss clinic for six months intensive carpet-fitting,’ Wright explains, ‘and then there are the side effects. What is the least worst option; a prince with a glittering noggin or a prince with pendulous man breasts?’
When asked if Prince Harry was also worried about the curse of the male Windsors, a palace spokesperson said, ‘We are not concerned about Harry as he has a full head of hair, like his dad.’

9th June 2010

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