Syrian truce leads to outbreak of football

The Fifth Beatlev2

‘They walked out across no-man’s land, clutching white flags, ḥalāl footballs and burkas for goalposts’.  These are the reports coming out of Syria of a ‘friendly’ match between ‘Kurdish Militants Wednesday’ and ‘Da’ish International Rovers’ – played out in the brief 10 minute ceasefire.

Unsullied by FIFA corruption or a Paul McCartney ballad, these brave soldiers extended a hand of peace (or ‘piece of hand’) in a pock-marked landscape, resembling a 1970’s football pitch.  Quite how much football was actually played in such a small time-window is unclear, with some spectators claiming the final whistle occurred before the team-sheets were read.  Unfortunately while 1914 had a lull in European bombing, Syria has no such luxury.

Sky Sports coverage extended to an excitable Chris Kamara mispronouncing Arabic names and confusing which side is which – a problem US and Russian bombers have regularly had.  Some Muslim players complained about the commercialization of football, but agreed that the shirt sponsorship by Kevlar was a good idea.

One Da’ish combatant said: ‘We are lions led by camels but we have a better chance of progressing our campaign in Europe than Arsenal.  But this game has made me hope that one day peace will occur; hopefully in the form of a mawkish sitcom written by Richard Curtis, with additional knob gags by the infidel Ben Elton’.

Unfortunately 200,000 innocents lost their lives in the ensuing football violence.

(hattip Sinnick & NB’s Private Messages) 

Share this story...

Posted: Mar 4th, 2016 by

Click for more article by ..


© 2019 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer