At the end of the ceremony celebrating his marriage to Jerry Hall, and as is traditional in his marriage ceremonies, Rupert Murdoch unfurled his long leathery wings and scooped up a visually shocked Hall in his feet claws and flew off to his mountain lair. Guests and press remarked on Mr Murdoch’s youthful vigour that far belied his advancing years as he circled the venue letting loose his blood-curdling scream.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ said Rebekah Wade, chief executive News International. ‘Doesn’t every girl want to be swept up into the razor sharp claws of their part decrepit man/part vampiric bat new husband?’ She wiped away an emotional tear as Mr Murdoch flapped away into the moonlight, his new bride screaming with uncontrollable terror and the tender longings of the newlywed sacrifice. ‘It could have been me,’ she added, as she downed her champagne.