An enormous stack of used notes owned by Rupert Murdoch today confessed to experiencing jitters over its marriage to former model Jerry Hall, saying it wasn’t sure at first whether Hall’s feelings were real, or whether her true motivation was more to do with a romantic attraction to the media mogul.
‘I can’t say it would be the first time’, the sentient legal tender told us. ‘Things are very difficult for us currencies – you can never be absolutely certain someone’s motives are entirely and genuinely financial. We all like to think we know true greed, but being associated with a lothario like Rupert complicates things. You never know who’s going to be a relationship-digger, biding their time, waiting for your value to collapse. It doesn’t help when it’s well known you have a weak exchange rate.’
It added: ‘If I’m going to be taken advantage of, I’d rather have uncomplicated nights of unbridled commerce with anonymous spendthrifts – at least they make you feel valued.’
The confession comes as more and more piles of money are today choosing to forge pre-transaction agreements, ensuring that in the case of a split, the partner will forgo any right to affectionate looks, fond memories or other romantic assets accumulated during the relationship.
However, the Murdoch fortune remains upbeat about the marriage: ‘I know Jerry’s had her eye on me for ages and I’ve followed her through her work in modelling, her acting projects and her former marriage to Mick Jagger. I’m as convinced as I could be that Jerry is the one.’ Many members of the public remain cynical, however. ‘I’ll give his money six months,’ said one. ‘At least I bloody hope so.’