Atheism renounced to avoid working bank holiday weekend


Charles Richards, a previously strident atheist, was forced to renounce his beliefs under exerted pressure from his employer to work on Good Friday and Easter Monday.

‘My supervisor had approached me in the break room and asked me what I thought about the resurrection of Jesus Christ,’ explained Richards. ‘Now I’d had a bad morning so was more than happy to debate with a religious nutter, and decided to dismiss millennia of spiritual reflection and meditation by some of the greatest minds of their time with a joke about the Easter Bunny. But I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.’

Instead of the indignant response Richards expected, his supervisor began to ask him if he believed that in the modern secular age the last vestiges of religious observation should be removed from British society. ‘It was then that I clicked,’ said Richards, ‘we’re supposed to be open for calls over the bank holiday weekend and he was looking for volunteers. I started backtracking faster than Rowan Williams saying there might be something in Sharia Law.’

Scrambling for a way to avoid coming in on the holidays, Richards spotted something on the break room bench. ‘I just really went for it, saying ‘Look! What’s that on that pastry? It’s a sign! Christ will rise again!’ and started genuflecting and crossing myself furiously. The boss just stood there looking at me a little strangely. I then made a break for it before he realised I’d been worshipping a hot cross bun, and hid in the toilets till home time.’ At 5.31 Richards left the office to return to the bosom of his Christian family. He plans to rejoice in the resurrection of Christ our Lord by buying a new sofa at DFS.

He also takes it as an article of faith that their sale will end at 8pm Monday.

March 23rd 2008


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