Wildebeeste all over Africa have united to condemn the constant portrayal of their species as nothing more than mindless lion-fodder by Western wildlife photographers. According to a leading spokes-gnu, the African herbivore is all too often seen as little more than brain-dead walking lunch for other animals higher up the food chain, with little regard to the many other interesting aspects of Wildebeeste society.
‘Wildebeeste are highly evolved, highly successful animals with varied lives,’ said Mmnyorrggh, a nine-year old bull from the Masai Mara. ‘But do you ever get to see us graze, rear our young or play headbutting? No, there’s never any cameras around then – but just wait till we cross lion territory or crocodile-infested rivers and you can barely move without stepping on one.’
Many wildebeeste have also criticized the way that photographers vie to record their members being eaten by predators as ‘grossly insensitive’. Whilst they accept that large mammals have to adapt to the multi-media age, they are calling for the cameras to stop rolling at a certain point. ‘Don’t we deserve some dignity in our last moments?’ said Mmnyorrggh. ‘If it isn’t stressful enough being in a high-speed chase across the savannah, getting forced to the ground by razor-sharp claws, choked in the grip of a lioness’s mouth, ripped apart and eaten while your heart is still pumping blood, you also have to die knowing this whole spectacle is going to be watched on the Discovery Channel by some fat family sitting around eating pizzas.’
Lions, however, have dismissed the wildebeeste’s claims. They believe that any negative images of herbivores are largely the result of their own stupidity. ‘We worked out ages ago that a camera crew nearby means it’s lunchtime but those morons still don’t get it.’ A wildebeeste delegation agreed to meet with a number of lions to discuss the ‘stupid’ accusation, but no conclusions have yet emerged. Though a number of fat looking lions were seen later leaving the venue, licking their lips and belching.
23rd March 2009