God confirms miracles are linked to number of Facebook shares

Popular deity God has confirmed that miracles will only be performed if a sufficient number of Facebook shares are performed. ‘I’m sorry that wasn’t clear in the past’ he apologised, ‘but, as you may have heard, I do move in mysterious ways.’

Other deities are expected to make similar clarifications in the coming days, with Allah suspected of responding favourably to retweets and Vishnu being a big fan of Linkedin shares.

The Pope has welcomed the announcement, telling reporters ‘I’m glad we finally know how exactly to keep God happy. All that praying was a bit vague, and we were never really sure whether they were getting through or not. Now we can give up on all that crap and move into the 21st century. Now all I need to find is a nice young man to give me a hand with my laptop…’

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2016 by

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