Farage accuses left foot of being left wing

the choice is simple, ask yourself; 'Do I need this?'

Nigel Farage has vowed to shoot himself in the foot after accusing it of being ‘a socialist’. UKIP supporters were concerned when Mr Farage started addressing his left foot as ‘Michael’ and accusing it of treachery. He also addressed his right foot as ‘Margaret’, stroking it lovingly in an interview on Breakfast Time.

‘I could have kicked myself for not noticing this frankly Soviet invasion of one of my lower limbs,’ Mr Farage told supporters in Margate. ‘In fact I did kick myself, with Margaret’s help, as I became increasingly suspicious of my left foot not toeing the party line. In keeping with UKIP’s intention to relax the rules on gun ownership, I intend to shoot myself in the Michael Foot and remove all my left footed footwear and possibly remove Argyle socks as a challenge to Nicola Sturgeon.’

Earlier, Mr Farage had accused his left slipper of being part of a ‘reds under the bed’ conspiracy, and accused his toothbrush of having ‘pinko sympathies,’ stressing ‘I’m a blue toothbrush, not a pink toothbrush and no, we haven’t met somewhere before and if we do meet again after the election you will be asked to prove you have a right to be in Britain.’

On BBC Radio he openly called the political sympathies of his pyjamas into question and announced a complete purge of his pants. He has, moreover, attacked his neighbour’s allotment calling it a ‘communist plot’ and demanded that audiences for TV debates on location and at home should undergo blood tests to see if they were ‘Socialist or Un-English in any way.’

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2016 by

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