UK on ‘National Treasure Red Alert’

One less birthday card

The sudden and unexpected demise of American musician David Gest in Canary Wharf has sent the government department responsible for issuing ‘National Treasure’ status announcements into a tailspin.  Reports that Alan Tichmarsh has been seen ‘looking peaky’ and that US writer domiciled in the UK Bill Bryson suffered ‘a nasty strain’ last week had already put the alert level to Amber.

‘Like all public departments we’ve been hit hard by austerity measures and frankly this year has seen an unprecedented number of potential National Treasures pass away,’ said the director of the organisation today, adding:  ‘And although Mr Gest was a US citizen he did spend rather a lot of time over here, died on our watch and apparently appeared in a British reality show.  With our resources as stretched thank goodness he doesn’t qualify for a complimentary State funeral and that we’ve saved a few quid imprisoning the likes of Dave Lee Travis, Rolf Harris and Emu’.

 

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2016 by

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