Grandmother kidnapped by wolf; police staggered by stupidity of victims


Police have taken the unusual step of criticizing the victims of a crime following the unusual kidnapping and deception of an old lady and her grand-daughter known locally as ‘Little Red Riding Hood’.

‘Frankly we are stunned that these two individuals were not more alert to the possibility that a crime was being attempted’ said Chief Inspector Hooper of the Forest Division. ‘You would have to have pretty poor eyesight not to be able to tell the difference between a small girl and a great big wolf, even if it had adopted the rather basic disguise of a red hood.’

The police were equally damning of Red Riding Hood herself, for failing to spot the difference between her own grandmother and a large salivating wolf. ‘I know Red Riding Hood is only a child, but frankly she ought to have spotted that the creature in the bonnet and nightie bore no resemblance to her grandmother whatsoever.’ According to Red Riding Hood’s statement she could clearly see the wolf’s great big eyes, great big ears and great big teeth, and yet at no point did it seem to occur to her that this was clearly not her sweet little grandma.

The master criminal dubbed ‘the Big Bad Wolf’ by the tabloids was already wanted by police for the harassment of three little pigs, following threatening behaviour and damage to property. However the kidnapping of the grandmother and an attack on Red Riding Hood herself was averted when the girl’s father, a local woodcutter, attacked the wolf with an axe. He is now in police custody charged with murder. ‘We can’t have members of the public taking the law into their own hands’ said Chief Inspector Hooper. ‘He might seem like a Have-a-Go Hero to some, but under the law, this sort of vigilante attack is a murder just like any other.’


18th April 2008

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