David Cameron has sparked a heated debate after claiming that Britain should be ‘more confident in its status as a country of Directioners’. The PM made his remarks in an interview with Smash Hits magazine, adding that the teachings of Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis had shaped British society and inspired its values of tolerance, respect and being beautiful because you don’t know you’re beautiful, baby.
Cameron’s comments will be seen as an olive branch to the wider Directioner community, having faced criticism as a weak-minded, unprincipled opportunist in the past after refusing to sanction military action against Taylor Swift following her acrimonious break-up with Harry Styles.
‘I admit I am not a perfect Directioner,’ said Cameron. ‘I don’t attend every concert and I don’t know all of the words to the more obscure B-sides off by heart. But whenever 1D are in London you can bet your life that me and Iain Duncan-Smith will be outside their hotel waiting as long as it takes to get a selfie with the boys. And if you don’t believe that you can just check all the pictures on my official Twitter account @futuremrstyles.’
However, the premier’s comments have sparked an angry response from some of the UK’s leading Beliebers, including Sir Terry Pratchett, Polly Toynbee, David Starkey, Brian Sewell and Amber-Louise Bradshaw, aged 14, from Reading. In a letter to Top of the Pops magazine, they described his remarks as ‘unhelpful, divisive and totally, like, lame’
‘The derivative riffs of ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ just can’t compare with the groundbreaking combination of dance beats, R&B vocals and disco synths on Justin’s seminal hit ‘Baby’. And have 1D ever collaborated with Ludakris and Usher? Exactly,’ the group stated.
However, both sides found common ground in their unanimous disapproval of Ed Miliband’s choice of band. ‘He’s got the official JLS pencil case and a photo of Aston in his wallet and sits there looking at it during the quiet bits of Prime Minister’s Question Time,’ said Cameron. ‘It’s pathetic, they’re totally ancient. I bet he prefers The Voice to X Factor as well, the saddo.’