Biscuit leaders have challenged claims that members of their community ‘crumble’ under pressure, with one biscuit leader apparently ‘flouncing’ away from reporters before returning, sheepishly, to retrieve his phone.
‘Some biscuits are harder than others,’ said a Rich Tea who asked not to be named. ‘In the Jaffa Rebellion of 1991 the Digestives were always in the thick of it and KitKats come with protective layers’.
The Minister for Biscuit Resilience has called for British biscuits to compete more effectively at an international level: ‘The good old Custard Cream saw us through two world wars, but it’s showing its age. When my department ran some simple stress tests involving ‘rock, paper, scissors’ the Custard Cream was roundly defeated by its American cousin, the so-called Oreo. The world has moved on, although a sharpened British Hobnob still remains our weapon of choice.’