Office worker builds impenetrable defence against his own insignificance

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An officer work from Essex continues to fortify an impregnable psychological barrier against his own insignificance. 26 year-old Phil Jones, an administration assistant at Packaging Supplies Ltd, insists that his role is both fundamental and essential to the future of the company. These claims are strongly endorsed by his mother and father, Eileen and Ken, but don’t yet have public approval from the rest of his co-workers.

“Can you just imagine what would happen if I didn’t work here?’, asked Phil, in a ’high-priority’ team meeting he had organised to talk about himself. ”Close your eyes and just simulate what that might be like. Where’s Phil? What’s happened? Can’t anybody else do what he did? Why did we let him go? Can we get him back? Chaos ensues and the whole organisation collapses in a heartbeat.”

According to a recent study, a growing number of employees consider themselves of paramount importance to their businesses. A majority, however, still couldn’t really give a f@ck and just want the cash for expensive holidays.

“When sending emails, Phil tends to copy in the whole organisation of 600 employees when only 2 people needed to know,” commented 23 year-old work colleague Sarah Benson. “You know the kind of bloke that sends ‘urgent’ emails on a Sunday night when they could have been sent the following Thursday. He runs throughout the office as well, usually from a photocopier to his desk to a manager’s office and then back again. He utters things along the way like “no rest for the wicked!” so we all know how indispensable he is.”

Phil continues to vocalise his ‘ridiculous working hours’ and can usually be found in the office, during late nights and weekends, playing Solitaire.

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Posted: May 21st, 2016 by

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