Divorce documents have been filed by Johnny Depp and his actress wife Amber Heard, citing ‘irreconcilable dogs’ as the cause. The couple are now facing a protracted three-way battle with the Australian Government for custody of the pooches, naming Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce as co-respondent – having ‘screwed both plaintiffs’.
The dogs find themselves caught in a courtroom tug-of-war; with the participants torn between loving them and throwing them in a ‘dingo grinder’. Afriend of Depp suggested he was happy to be shot of both Miss Heard and her pets: ‘It’s less like losing a wife and more like gaining some extra kennel space,’ he said. Meanwhile in the absence of a pre-nuptial agreement it is unclear which person retains ownership of their video apology.