Airport security staff have been told to chill the fuck out because most people don’t have bombs in their shoes. Many passengers would prefer a much sunnier disposition as their cabin bags are being searched for explosives, knives and radioactive materials. To lighten the conveyor belt mood, some customers have proposed that officers wear fancy dress or perform magic tricks – anything to prevent staff from taking their precious jobs and passenger welfare so seriously.
‘Cheer up. It might never happen,’ said passenger Mark Stanton, implicitly teasing a solemn-looking security assistant about a potential terrorist attack that would obliterate the aircraft and its occupants. ‘I’m not really interested in Paradise. Honest,’ the jester continued playfully. After being led away to a holding room by police, Mark could be heard shouting, ‘You lot are such jobsworths! It was JUST a joke. Get a sense of humour you morons.’
Other ideas put forward by customers have included limbo dancing through a lowered metal gate detector, playing hide the toy gun with your child and broadcasting aviation disaster jokes over a tannoy.