Software giant Microsoft has admitted that the launch of the latest Stephen Hawking upgrade has had to be delayed due to problems with the new operating system, which keeps crashing whenever asked to calculate when the universe began.
The announcement is the latest in a series of setbacks to the Stephen Hawking Vista, including a Max-Headroom-type stutter, a tendency to cause the user to binge drink and an unexplained tendency to say ‘physics is shit, physics is shit’.
But retiring Microsoft supremo Bill Gates preferred to concentrate on the benefits that the new version will bring. ‘Vista offers the user a vastly improved voice synthesiser with a choice of forty voices including Darth Vader, Donald Duck, Tom Baker and Kenny from South Park. It also features new bolt-ons such as a built in MP3 player and a teasmade.’
But for the time being users can only access the traditional Stephen Hawking voice which has proved so popular with Radiohead fans who entering the lyrics to ‘Fitter, Happier’. Hopes that Stephen Hawking could be used for advertising voice-overs and football commentary have suffered a set-back. The launch has now been rescheduled to early 2009, or as the Stephen Hawking Vista described it ‘1970’.
30th June 2008