Man invents new awkward greeting noise for passing strangers


Rob Flynn from Scole, said he felt strangely compelled to audibly recognise another rambler that he passed in country lane, but had no foreknowledge or designs on the bizarre sound that actually issued forth from his mouth and airways.

‘I don’t know why I did it, but I appeared to have no choice’ lamented the 39 year old, as colleagues brought him a cup of tea and a biscuit back in the relative safety of the office.

‘The figure who approached initiated eye contact at around 30 paces – meaning I was unable to hurl myself into a hedge and hide there until he passed, as is my usual strategy’ he continued. ‘Torn between my dual but diametrically opposed English traits to seem both polite yet also mind my own fucking business, I exhaled some sort of guttural anomaly that was neither human, nor animal.’

‘It kind of sounded like a ‘Huuu-yii!’ – the intonation rising at the end like the umpire’s recognition of a strike in the Japanese sword-art of Kendo. I actually tried to commit Seppuku at the end of the road with a fallen branch but ended up apologising profusely to another pedestrian who had bumped into me.’


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Posted: Jun 9th, 2016 by

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