The Crown Prosecution Service has decided not to prosecute the former pop star Cliff Richard, due to lack of evidence against the entertainer. However, they added that Richard should no longer sing one of his most famous songs, Living Doll.
‘I realise we decided we were not able to bring charges against you,’ said the Director of Public Prosecutions. ‘But given what we’ve all been picturing over the past few weeks, frankly that song now seems a bit ewwwwww. I mean, you not only describe the ‘living doll’ as ‘crying’, you then go on to sing ‘Look at her hair, it’s real, and if you don’t believe what I say, just feel’… look, just don’t, alright?’
Richard was also told that he can only sing Summer Holiday if it’s made clear that no destination in the Far East is implied. Unusually the European Court of Justice has backed the ruling, though they admitted that they hadn’t heard about the allegations; they just thought the song was shit.