France demands Al Qaeda repeat its terror threat – in French

vous parlez monsieur, mais j'ecoute seulement 'peuthfssathasthssathath'

France has reacted to the latest terror warning from Al Qaeda by shrugging its shoulders and insisting it hasn’t understood a single word they are saying.

As the Islamic fundamentalists threatened to rain holy fire on the infidels of France, Interior Minister, Brice Hortefeux, simply waved a dismissive hand in Al Qaeda’s direction and remarked ‘bof’. Later, in a hastily-delivered statement written entirely in French, Hortefeux said he would only listen to threats issued in his mother tongue and would talk over anyone who threatened mass murder in any other language.

With President Nicholas Sarkozy continuing to pursue an immigration policy that would encourage the Third Reich to write to the Guardian, it is feared that Al Qaeda may threaten the French way of life by targeting suicide bombers at transport infrastructures, tourist attractions and breakfast items that would be far better suited to another time of day.

Al Qaeda are now expected to change their strategy and attempt to communicate directly with the French government by talking very loudly in English while wildly gesticulating, sporadically attaching the suffix ‘ez’ to certain words to give them an authentic Gallic flavour.

As a precaution, the French have altered their terror alert level from ‘Insouciant’ to ‘Nonchalant’ and have called upon their citizens to continue smoking heavily whilst occasionally peering over the top of the Proust novel they’re reading to check if anything looks suspicious.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2016 by

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