‘It’s a well known tenet of Chaos Theory that if one tw@t in London flaps his political wings, a storm of hot air will swirl around the North,’ explained a scientist today. ‘When it was just good old fashioned Global Warming – caused by burning fossil fuels, lighting joss sticks and farting – we knew we had a problem but it was basically under control. Reduce emissions here, let China burn what the fuck it wants there, and you’ve got balance. But the Brexit debate has generated so much hot air from Remain and Leave that it’s almost impossible to keep a cap on the spiraling temperature. You’d think it was June, the way the thermometers are going’.
‘This is just spin from the Remain group,’ complained UKIP; claiming that the EU creates convection currents that moves money out and migrants into the UK. While Prime Minister Cameron insisted that Climate Change is going to be much more expensive post Brexit; with a devalued pound, millions unemployed burning furniture to stay warm and with Europe getting all the benefits of a warmer climate without the costs.
Forecasters are predicting another rise in temperature over the next 24 hours, with isolated thunder pretty much in every polling booth.