Timetable mavericks Southern Rail will test ‘passengerless’ trains as soon as possible, in a move it described as the next logical step after driverless vehicles are allowed on the roads.
‘The technology that could solve a lot of problems for us and our customers’ said a company spokesman. ‘Imagine a world where there’s no point to waiting huddled beneath the leaking roof of a dilapidated Victorian station while trying to swallow the worst tuna-mayo sandwich of all time. That’s progress!’
‘We’re just working on a big scoop at the front that you can throw your money into as we sail by without any doors. This doesn’t alter our peak times policy though,’ he added. ‘If you try to throw in an off-peak fare before 09:30, we will make you walk to the next station and watch that one go past too, if it arrives at all’.