Britain’s most beloved animated postman today announced his immediate resignation from all postal duties and television appearances, the latest in a string of resignations that have shocked the British establishment. Holding back tears, Postman Pat announced that despite his best efforts the people of Greendale had chosen to receive only internal post.
Pat’s leading opponent, a local scarecrow, admitted that there was no clear route ahead, but that ‘probably someone owns some pigeons or something’ before walking off into the sunset. Residents have been seen attempting to communicate via smoke signals, mainly driven by bonfires of unwanted double glazing adverts from Barnsley.
Contenders are now lining up to take over Greendale’s postal service. Allies of Nigel Farage have indicated that he may be just the man to renew the show’s fortunes, although concerns remain over how he will work with Jess, Pat’s black and white cat.