War ‘looked nothing like Tinder profile’, says Blair

Smoke-filled skies loom over an American tank destroyed during a firefight with Iraqis on the south side of Baghdad, where U.S. forces met heavy resistance en route to the airport on April 6, 2003. Fires were set as a defense tactic.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has issued a stark reminder to users of dating apps to be careful of accepting profiles at face value after revealing that he only invaded Iraq because War looked absolutely great on its Tinder profile.

‘It was just love at first sight,’ said a clearly emotional Mr Blair. ‘War’s pictures just showed loads of photos of fireworks going off and young British men and women lying out in the sun – 179 of them, to be precise.’
War seemed equally smitten with the former Prime Minister and they agreed to meet in Iraq in 2003. However, meeting War in person proved to be a big let-down for Blair.

‘War was nothing like I expected from the photographs”, he recalls. ‘Instead of the fun-loving, vibrant, young and exciting thing that I had expected, I met a nightmare as old as darkness itself, that glorifies and revels in the slaughter of innocents and is a never-ending scream of pain, horror, brutality and despair that crushes your mind, body and soul. That was a bit of a shock for me when I was just expecting a dirty weekend away in Baghdad.’

Despite the bad experience, Mr Blair has indicated that he is still continuing to use the app. ‘I am still on Tinder now, but I’m much more careful these days,’ he said. ‘In fact, I’ve recently been in touch with War’s friend, Death, who seems to be really nice, and a lot of people have been telling me that I should meet Death as soon as possible. I think we would get on really well, as we have 21,000 common connections, most of them from Iraq, for some reason.’


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Posted: Jul 8th, 2016 by

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