Political Correctness to be 2012 Olympic sport

Britain's Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport Tessa Jowell attends a press conference in London, 12 June 2007, as the International Olympic Committee (IOC) members visit London's proposed Olympic sites. Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell insisted Tuesday that the controversial new 2012 logo will stay, as inspectors began a three-day examination of London's plans for the Olympic Games. AFP PHOTO/SHAUN CURRY (Photo credit should read SHAUN CURRY/AFP/Getty Images)

In a move criticised by some as a transparent ploy to increase the medal count of the home nations, Political Correctness has been put forward as a sport by the UK Olympic committee and has been officially recognised by the IOC for inclusion in the 2012 London games. ‘We have a proud history of Political Correctness at the highest level in Britain,’ said Olympics Minister Tessa Jowell, ‘and we expect to win, although of course not before we’ve welcomed the strong challenge that will come from other countries in the world, with their competitors of different ethnicities, religions, ages, sexes, appearances, social status, financial background and er…, oh yes, levels of ability.’

Mrs Jowell admitted that the search for suitable British candidates to train for four years as part of the team ‘has been a bit of a nightmare’, and that sifting through responses to a memo sent out to all local Government offices asking for candidates in seven languages, Braille and large print ‘had made her realise just how patient and dedicated the selected competitors would have to be’.

The world-wide reaction to the announcement has been mixed with America known to be fully supportive of the move and more than ready to send a team, although Russia and China are still undecided on whether to take part and have asked for a little more time. The French are completely on board, provided they get a subsidy.

The actual event will be held within the Olympic stadium and the result will, of course, be open to appeal, although Mrs Jowell seemed slightly unsure as to what would actually be going on. ‘It’s going to be hard to make comparisons in this event, although I think it will be clear when one of the competitors is doing ‘the right thing’, and it’ll be great for the viewers to watch them all sitting around, chatting and suppressing any wayward personal feelings in an attempt to get on with everyone. I expect that after the games the winners may even turn pro, and go and tackle the world’s problems on a wider scale, just like on Big Brother.’

Despite the inclusion of the sport being a boost for British Olympic hopes some commentators have raised concerns that it might lead to ‘impressionable’ individuals with ambitions in the field to start missing scheduled meetings and trying to avoid leaving an audit trail, with many testing positive for positive discrimination, but Tessa Jowell assured the press that adequate safeguards were in place, saying ‘don’t worry, it’s not going to go mad’. Mrs Jowell has herself been singled out as one of the UK’s finest proponents of Political Correctness and is likely to be offered a place on the team, subject to the stringent criteria on a hundred and forty seven other aspects being met.

28th July 2008

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