Trump vows to ‘make America grate again’

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Mr Trump also outlined plans to convert the White House into a loss-making gambling casino and turn the White House lawn into an exclusive loss-making crazy golf putting green: ‘I tell ya folks, when I am President, and it’s gonna happen, believe me, I am gonna mould this once great country of ours into my own image: it’s about time the United States got up the noses of every goddam country in the whole World!  I am gonna invade every country in the World and rent it back to them at a premium rate!’

He then surprised everybody by sacking running mate Mike Pence and replacing him with former boxing champ Mike Tyson. ‘If anyone says anything against Mr Trump ever again, I am gonna punch their lights out,’ squeaked ‘Iron’ Mike, who admitted to being a bit ring rusty.  Trump insisted: ‘It’s interesting, the gloves are off now. The gloves are off. The gloves are off and I am gonna hit Hillary so hard she won’t know what hit her! Or at least Mike will do it on my behalf.’

Experts reckon Mr Trump may be showing signs of Mad Cow Disease because he eats so many fast food burgers. ‘It’s Hillary who’s the mad cow!’ he countered.  ‘A gigantic mad cash cow who is milking every hard-working American citizen! God bless the United States of America!’

Farmer Giles

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2016 by

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