Following the ban on burkinis at the French Riviera resort, the mayor of Cannes, David Lisnard has reiterated that mankinis are still ‘acceptable swimwear’. He said that the man’s one-piece bathing garment with a T-back ‘respects good customs and secularism’, which is a founding principle of the Republic.
Critics of the policy responded immediately, claiming that the infamous swimming attire was religiously identified with the radical Kazhakstan Orthodox church and therefore liable to create risks of disrupting public order. However, Thierry Migloule, head of municipal services for the town, dismissed these ‘baseless allegations’ and stated that it was ‘business as usual’ for all mankini pool parties across the region.
‘Is a full-piece swimsuit likely to provoke more terror than a middle-aged bum crack?” asked Christine Medin, director of the Collective Against Mankinis in France. ‘Will the 38 euro fine on burkinis be reinvested in firmer male buttocks and free beach supplies of arse hair removal cream?’
Meanwhile, Islamic State has retaliated aggressively and banned tourists from wearing speedos, googles or armbands at resorts throughout all occupied territories. One small concession has been a willingness to tolerate all military tank-like inflatables, which demonstrate clear allegiance to the Salafi jihadist group.
A German tourist to the picturesque IS-held city of Aleppo in Syria, recently came unstuck at his hotel swimming pool, when fundamentalist lifeguards found him on a regulation lilo, displaying no ostentatious affiliation to a radical Islamist ideology. After a public dressing down, the man from Berlin was mercilessly sentenced to 30 lengths of the pool, 50% freestyle and 50% butterfly.
The battle lines have been drawn, and a group of lawyers has vowed to fight for a new ruling in France, considering a recent scientific study on the link between male V-thong shaped swimsuits and female blindness.