Up and down the country, thousands of nubile girls have performed the time-honoured British summer coming-of-age ceremony of smiling sexily for the cameras as they celebrate their A’level results. The Department for Education said that radiance standards among A’level students have reached an all-time peak this year.
‘I’ve got four A*s and I’m going to do Medicine at Cambridge,’ squealed willowy blonde Gillian Atkinson, as she read her results outside Cheltenham Ladies College. Her pert young breasts bobbled under her thin flowery blouse as she ran to hug her best friend Charlotte Connors in a faintly erotic but still wholesome way.
Connors, a lissom brunette, 18 – so it’s OK, she’s been legal for ages – also had cause to rejoice. She giggled coquettishly, her long, shapely legs gleaming in the morning sunshine, as she revealed to watching camera crews that three As and a B would be enough for her to study English Literature and Sociology at the University of Durham.
It was also celebration time for pretty girls at state schools. In Manchester, Laura Smallwood, a foxy redhead from Corbett’s Hill College in figure-hugging jeans, beamed with delight as she opened her results to show two Bs and two Cs, enough to get into her Drama course at Salford University. Meanwhile outside Sheffield Sixth Form College, Sally Lumb smiled shyly – but you know what they say about the quiet ones, eh? – as she told waiting journalists about her row of Bs.
Critics have claimed that standards have been ‘uglied down’ in recent years and that this has made it all too easy for girls to look lovely on Results Day. However, a spokes-ogler for the Department of Education said: ‘The girls have worked ever so hard and they deserve full credit for getting their lithe young bodies in perfect shape for mid-August.’
According to unconfirmed reports, some ordinary-looking girls also got their A’level results yesterday. And some boys, apparently.