Morons with no attention span who are too fucking useless to bring their children up properly have welcomed the discovery that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), often referred to as ‘Little Bastard Syndrome’, is genetic in origin rather than the result of bad parenting.
‘I was afraid it was my fault Darren spends all day at school running around class, making animal noises and – ooh that’s a nice top,’ said Shirley Masters, a 28-year-old mother of three from Bromsgrove. ‘And hitting the other kids. Now I know there’s nothing I could – Kayleigh, take that fucking dog out of the bin NOW – have done about it. Yeah.’
ADHD often manifests itself in children via the inability to concentrate on tasks, anti-social behaviour, impulsiveness and failure to think through the consequences of their actions. Teachers, who frequently have to cope with it in class despite having only 13 weeks of holiday every year, have hitherto blamed it on the little scrotes’ pond life parents.
However, the researchers cautioned against reading too much into the results. ‘When we say that ADHD has mainly genetic rather than environmental causes, that means only that DNA determines to a large extent our ability to focus,’ said Dr Stephen Leach of the University of London.
‘Of course, if you’re one of these bone idle, shit-for-brains drongos who sits in front of Jeremy Kyle all day, drinks Diamond White, shags anything with a pulse and generally can’t do anything properly, then you are likely to pass that onto your mutant spawn, so it is your fucking fault actually.’
Added Leach: ‘Suicide Squad was brilliant wasn’t it? No, YOU fuck off, it so was.’ He then punched our reporter in the face and started crying.