Soap opera rap tensions increase as Emmerdale cast release ‘Da Dalez’ grime album

in't'it brethren

Not to be outdone by their neighbours from across the Pennines, the cast of Emmerdale have released an 18-song UK grime album entitled ‘Da Dalez’. This was done in retaliation to the rap video released by Coronation Street’s Tommy Duckworth, alias Chris Fountain, which earned him critical acclaim in the world of urban music despite him also losing his job his process.

Claiming Fountain’s controversial rap video was ‘about as gangsta as Emily Bishop’, Jeff Hordley, who plays village womaniser and general bad-boy Cain Dingle, says he will give ‘muscle’ to the soap’s debut album by providing the backing vocals on seven tracks, including ‘Dingle Danger’, ‘Hennessy, Hoes and Herding’ and ‘Phat Pharming’. He believes that ‘Da Dalez’s collection of edgy tracks will ‘make Coronation Street look like The Waltons’, although Eastenders will still be pretty grim by any stanadards.

Actors Dominic Brunt and Mark Charnock, who play on-screen friends Paddy Kirk and Marlon Dingle, have said they are thrilled at being featured in Da Dalez as rap-duo ‘Padz ‘N’ Marlo’ with their own dedicated track, ‘Vets and Veg’, which details the struggles of maintaining a close friendship in the midst of a foot and mouth outbreak. ‘We’re hoping this will give us something to fall back on if and when they decide to kill us off’, said Charnock, who plays hapless pub chef Marlon.

The pair admitted that their characters narrowly escaped disaster in Emmerdale recently in being violently attacked by an irate local shepherd, after laughing at the poor herding techniques of his border collies Lucy and Molly. ‘Yeah, we woz dissin’ his bitches man,’ said Brunt.

Fronted by actor Steve Halliwell who plays Woolpack regular Zak Dingle, the album, which is due to hit shelves next month, will carry a Parental Advisory Warning, and will cover controversial topics such as adultery, abortion, bestiality and drug addiction. Halliwell, now known by his rap-name ‘Daddy Dingle’, takes to the mic for the album’s first track, ‘Woolpack Warriorz’, in which he rhythmically narrates an evening in the village’s famous Woolpack pub, getting ‘wankered with his tankard’.

20th August 2013

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