Criticisms that the Olympics only serve to enrich a small number of elite athletes and deliver no benefit in mass sports participation are set to be firmly rebuffed as dressage clubs across the UK find themselves besieged by would-be new members.
Inspired by the UK team’s gold in the Pony Tango and silver in the Hoof Jive, inner city youths are swapping their shanks for spurs and their bandanas for beribboned top hats. Malik Wakbar , 17, of Bethnal Green, said ‘I was planning to go to Syria, innit, but now Tokyo calls. Seeing a pony do Riverdance on the telly has changed my life. I got an old nag off of some travellers and I am teaching her breakdancing. We is both highly committed, particularly her.’
The BBC is said to be jumping on the bandwagon with a Strictly Prancing special, featuring amongst others Adele on Desert Orchid and Christopher Biggins on a thoroughbred pantomime stallion. The rumoured foxtrot from Lord Lucan and Shergar is thought however to be nothing but a PR stunt.
Not all are so impressed. ‘What ever next in the Olympics’ brayed one toff. ‘Parrot cycling? The feline 50m backstroke? Dolphin-bloody-kwondo? The Games should be hard, manly competition with no funny business. Now, I’m sorry, but I must get off to my rhythmic gymnastics class.’