The 1,000 mile wall to separate the US and Mexico will be specially trained in six martial arts and speak fluent Spanish, Donald Trump has confirmed.
The wall will interrogate approaching Mexicans in their mother tongue and – if they’re deemed ineligible for entry into the US – dispatch them with a roundhouse kick to the face or neck.
‘Not only is this wall going to be a kilometre high, it’ll know Jiu-Jitsu, Thai boxing, Taekwondo, Judo, Aikido and Hapkido,’ said Trump yesterday.
‘And it’ll have a voice like Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro – but deeper and much more threatening.
People ask me how you build or pay for such a thing and I say to them: that’s Mexico’s problem. I’ve told President Nieto to come up with a prototype by next Tuesday at the latest.’
He added: ‘It’s things like this that really set us apart from the Democrats. Does Hilary have a 1,000 mile-long talking ninja wall in her foreign policy? Exactly.’