Criminals launch professional networking site ‘ClinkedIn’

ClinkedIn

Entrepreneurs have today launched ClinkedIn, a new service for the modern criminal looking to make professional connections and advance their career.

‘Our mission is simple: to connect the world’s criminals to make them more productive and successful,’ said founder and CEO, Jeff Weiner. ‘If you’re looking for a getaway driver or some muscle, ClinkedIn can help. Members get access to people, jobs and trade insights. We want to help you be great at what you do, whether that’s drug dealing, white-collar fraud or burglary.’

The site features profiles of all currently active criminals, including CVs detailing their previous, a list of aliases and photofit images. Members can form networks with fellow gang members and ‘like’ or ‘congratulate’ other users on successful jobs, court acquittals or escapes from prison. Those serving a long stretch on the inside can update their status to ‘on a career break’.

‘When a job I took got me into a bit of bother with some competitors, ClinkedIn really helped me out,’ said one member who cannot be named for illegal reasons. ‘The site connected me with some fixers – or dispute resolution practitioners, they called themselves – and the very next day my competitor came down with a nasty case of shattered kneecaps. In business it really is who you know.’

Others have also praised the site for steering them through a professional crisis. ‘When I was banged up on remand I knew my career was at a crossroads,’ said one user known as Skullcracker Steve. ‘ClinkedIn helped me hook me up with a witness-for-hire, then no sooner had I updated my status to ‘Acquitted of GBH – now seeking a hands-on role’ than I was inundated with job offers.’

But some have complained that the social media platform is demeaning honest criminal endeavour. ‘For every one genuine connection, I get hundreds of spam requests from chancers with fictitious CVs,’ said user RealNigerianPrince_001. ‘If I wanted a con artist I’d just ask for one.’

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2016 by

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