‘Panda Cull Almost Complete’ says Agriculture Minister

Panda

‘We are delighted to be able to announce that the project has been a great success’ he announced today. ‘Just a short while after our teams of trained marksmen went into action, surveys have shown that our countryside is now almost completely panda-free, with just a few breeding pairs being kept securely in captivity for research purposes. Well, I say breeding pairs, but most of them, I am pleased to say, seem to be content to be just good friends and a few pairs seem openly antagonistic towards each other, so there would appear to be little danger of their number ever getting out of control again.’

‘The dirty, smelly, furry black-and-white bastards will no longer roam our countryside, digging holes, damaging property and spreading diseases to farm livestock. What? What do you mean, BADGERS? Ah! Umm … oh, bollocks.’

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2016 by

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