Even in 2016, power metal has failed to make inroads into many nations around the world. A combination of economic forces and societal prejudices has created a climate where, in these cultures, vocalists seldom if ever wield plastic swords on stage while calling forth the chosen ones to pledge their brightly burning blades, over blast beats and neo classically phrased guitar solos. This may be set to change with the UN recently ruling that a childhood which does not include the video for Gloryhammer’s Rise Of The Chaos Wizards, which depicts necromancers fighting cybernetic knights in space, is no childhood at all. $2.8b has been earmarked for putting infrastructure in place which will allow Fairyland, Dragonforce and Rhapsody Of Fire to tour within needy locations such as Bhutan and Eritrea, though a further $300m has been requested to cover the cost of a life size plastic stage dragon and Yngwie Malmsteem’s hairspray.
Every day, 13 year old Shamim Kahn gets up at about 5am, and heads down to his uncle’s streetside stall in central Dhaka where he busies himself preparing roti canai for the breakfast rush. His family would prefer him to be in school, but the fees are high, and academic careers seem uncertain in the wake of the violent upheavals that accompanied the Bangladeshi elections earlier this year. Still, Shamim seems happy to chat with the punters who stop by for the tasty snack or a larger meal, and is learning a trade that should be able to sustain him into adulthood if necessary. However, all this overlooks the most tragic things about Shamim’s situation – he has never imagined what it feels like to ride the wings of mighty dragons as they soar through emerald skies over twilight plains in the age of arcane mages, his steel brandished high, while listening to histrionic symphonic rock music.
Development Programme Administrator Helen Clark criticized the dominance of fantasy themes within the proposed programme and indicated that, should she become secretary-general, a separate budget for pirate metal groups such as Alestorm and Running Wild would be proposed, before she mounted a mighty steed and rode forth into the dawn while the epic songs of victory, which were all very fast and tuned to E flat, rang out for all eternity.