The Government has stated today that all schools will be Grammar schools, run by enthusiastic amateurs instead of teaching professionals. ‘The teaching profession has clearly proven it’s unable to adequately pander to our league table requirements, constantly insisting on teaching children stuff instead,’ said a Government spokesman.
He added that all children will be required to take the eleven plus exam until they pass it or reach the age of eighteen. ‘It should reduce the burden on the examination system and will ensure that almost every young adult in the country hence will know how many men it takes to dig a hole in three hours if four men are required to dig the same hole in ten,’ he added.
‘Of course, once everywhere is a Grammar Academy, we will still need some method for distinguishing who are the riff-raff. Our proposal in some sort of star based system…probably sewn to their clothes’.