In the wake of an unfolding crisis, Britain is to have its first Minister of Cake by the end of this article, with the powers to step in and end the crisis with the aid of police, troops and emergency legislation.
With the scandal entering day 2, the facts that have emerged are these: Some people used to make cake on the television. Now different people will make cake on a different channel on the television, although it’s expected many of the same people, some of whom eat cake themselves, will watch, but they may not like the programme or the cake quite as much.
Airports have been closed, troops have been deployed at major ports, people going in and out of government buildings are being searched, and people have been advised not to travel or stay at home unless it is absolutely necessary.
Perhaps strangely, supermarkets have not seen a run on cake ingredients. One shopper said ‘I did not know people could make cake at home, I thought it was just on the telly.’