The Labour Party sank to a new low today, and virtual civil war broke out on the opposition benches following revelations about the sick and depraved hobby of very, very, left-wing leader Jeremy Corbyn. The socialist demagogue who seized control of the Labour Party earlier this month following a so-called ‘landslide election’ now looks less electable than ever as it was revealed he liked to collect little enamel badges from various trades unions down the decades.
‘This one is a 1970s NUPE Health workers badge’ Corbyn drooled, fingering the lethal pin that would blind a child if it was forced into her soft eyes. The sharp-edged metal trophies could also kill a puppy if the entire collection was forced down the little puppy’s throat and he wasn’t allowed to see a vet. But still Corbyn kept up the polite facade, smiling behind his 1980s-style beard, offering to tell onlookers about what all the different socialist logos stood for. Many of the badges may well be coated with toxic lead paint, exposing the lie of ‘Comrade Corbyn’s’ environmental credentials. Others were made from metal originally mined by non-unionised workforces in the Third World, revealing the staggering hypocrisy of the Islington socialist.
‘This certainly puts any past misdemeanours of our Prime Minister into sharp perspective’ said a Conservative Party spokesman. ‘It sickens me that a senior British politician can be so interested in the insignia of the Trades Unions who tried to destroy the East End of London with their blitzkreig in 1940. Does he know nothing about history?’
Corbyn has so far refused calls to have the badges put beyond use in front of independent witnesses, for fear he might alienate his union paymasters. ‘He is a very bad person indeed. You must never ever vote for him’ said one anonymous source.
From an idea by Wallace Runnymede