God to appear on Mumsnet webchat to defend King Solomon baby-slicing storyline

the almighty proved to be no match for the mumsnet crowd

Mumsnet hit the headlines again this week when it wrote to God complaining that its members had been ‘outraged and distressed’ by an Old Testament storyline in which a mother accidentally smothers her baby in bed, steals a friend’s baby, and then shouts to King Solomon that ‘It shall be neither mine nor hers — divide it with your sword!’’

‘Quite apart from raising unnecessary fears about the dangers of co-sleeping, this story reinforces the age-old stereotype of the bereaved mother stealing children and getting them judicially severed,’ said Justine Roberts, founder of Mumsnet. ‘Literally twelve users of our site have discussed the storyline ad nauseum, and it is Mumsnet’s responsibility to give women a voice by raiding their online musings and converting them into press releases that bring hordes of new hits to the site.’

Now Mumsnet has taken matters a step further by inviting God to appear on the site for a grilling. ‘Many, many women contacted God directly through the usual channels to complain and were understandably frustrated not to receive any kind of reply,’ Roberts explained. In a statement God admitted that due to the large number of complaints He had received, many prayers had gone unanswered, but He agreed that webchats are a ‘great new resource for reaching out to stakeholders’.

More wrathfully, though, God has expressed surprise that followers have been offended by this particular storyline. ‘Every other episode in the Old Testament has plainly stretched credibility. If people are dumb enough to take it literally then I obviously did a shit job of creation,’ He said. Nevertheless, to shore up public opinion God is expected to announce that He will bring another controversial storyline from the New Testament to an end in the spring, ‘probably over the Easter weekend’.

To get the webchat off to a good start, God is expected to reveal that His favourite biscuit is communion wafer.


19th January 2011

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