Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider have abandoned their efforts to uncover the secrets of the universe to focus on a new Brexit. Top boffins at the institute stumbled across the new method when someone inadvertently put a banana skin in the tube that makes things whizz round.
Observing the velocity and ultimate spattering, Dr Ted Paul had a brainchild. ‘We realised we could place politicians from rival factions in the collider and watch them fly around until they smash into each other. We’re bound to find out something scientific,’ he said.
A Government spokesperson said: ‘It sounds rather a hard Brexit to me, but I’m willing to give it a try.’ The Large Hadron Collider hit the headlines earlier in the year when it was revealed it was being used to make high-end sausages.