Britain’s ‘special relationship’ with the United States was confirmed for another generation today when it was announced that Theresa May will visit the White House just as soon as Donald and Melania Trump have got through ‘scores’ of invitations to people they met on holiday. The Whittingtons, for example, who met Trump last year on a golf course in Long Island, were told to ‘look me up next time you’re in town’ and the White House has confirmed that this takes precedence over ‘If you travel to the US, you should let me know’.
There are also scheduled state visits from a elderly couple that Donald met in a restaurant in Cancun, a Brazilian beauty queen that Donald Trump contacted online and a Yorkshire terrier that Melania thought was quite cute in Central Park.
Precise details of Theresa May’s visit to the United States have not yet been released, although it is believed she will not actually be meeting the American President face to face while she is in Washington. Instead she will be visiting parts of the White House that are open to tourists; ‘Theresa May will see the state rooms from behind the little red rope,’ confirmed a Downing Street spokesman; ‘She will also visit the gardens and the gift shop and then pose for photos with America’s new president.’ It is believed that this refers to a life-size cardboard cut out of Mr Trump that is located ouside the coffee shop. ‘This photo, when Theresa has paid her $2 dollars to pose in it, will show that the special relationship is as strong as it ever was.’
There is good news, though. The British PM will be included on the Trump family round-robin letter at Christmas, so when she does visit the White House, she will be completely up to date on events in the Trump household.