Donald Trump today held a short meeting with Nigel Farage and as a reward for his help during his recent election, awarded him the throne of the United Kingdom.
In a hastily-arranged press conference, the President Elect said: ‘This guy here, he is a really great guy. So I am giving him the throne of your lovely little museum island as a reward. So quaint, your island, very quaint. Yet again, there’s rather a lot of gold on that throne, so I might have it myself for the en-suite, and make him a replica.’
King Nigel the First seemed both delighted and taken aback by Trump’s surprise statement. ‘To thank Mr Farage for being a really great guy and good people, very good people, I have decided to give him Great Britain and Downton Abbey and all its protectorates, such as the rock with the monkeys and the rocks with the penguins, for his own use and which he can pass on to whoever he wishes should he not be like me and immortal. My advice would be to turn it all into a theme park. And if you see any Mexicans visiting it, that’s just great, because it means they’re not in the United States Of America causing mayhem with their sombreros and donkeys. Only kidding there folks. Some Mexicans, I assume, are good people. As are their donkeys. Unless they are drug mules.’
Turning to his British ally he added ‘Anyway, King Neil, go ahead. The England UK is all yours. Except Scotland which is mine for playing golf.’