Social crotch-grabbing ‘the new rage’ among Washington hipsters

Orange is the new black and air-kissing has gone the way of Liberalism in Washington’s hippest social circles. Keen to emulate the debonair manners of the incoming President, the in-crowd are greeting one another with not with a kiss, a fist-pump or a handshake but with a firm crotch grab. Some awkwardness inevitably arises as the precise etiquette continues to evolve. ‘One, two or three is always a dilemma’, says equality advocate Marcia Feeley; ‘When you go in with two fingers and they go in with three, you don’t know whether to pull out or slip another one in and hope they didn’t notice the faux doigt. The key thing though is to maintain unblinking eye contact throughout.’

The new fad is fast making its way through diplomatic circles, as foreign dignitaries hasten to fit in with local customs. However, when we asked for a comment from the Somalian ambassador, she simply replied ‘My lips are sealed’.



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Posted: Nov 26th, 2016 by

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