Government plans to clamp down on ‘unconventional’ property porn

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Under controversial proposals going through Parliament, TV service providers could be forced to block access to certain forms of property porn. The move has long been demanded by traditional moralists, who believe that early exposure to Escape to the Country could cause innocent children to realise that much of the adult world is severely depraved and corrupt.

The newly proposed restrictions on any property porn programme deemed ‘unconventional’ will affect, among others, those involving fistfuls of money changing hands, pissing away of inheritances or brand spanking new developments that leave permanent marks on the countryside. Civil liberties advocates have denounced all this as a ‘prurient invasion into peoples’ houses’.

Jodie Ginsberg, chief executive of Index on Censorship, said: ‘It should not be the business of government to regulate what kinds of consensual acts of redecoration adults should or should not be allowed to engage in. Personally speaking, I find Homes Under the Hammer pretty disgusting but the transactions it portrays are entirely legal.’

Others have questioned the seemingly arbitrary aspects of British legislation. The property porn industry is already operating a voluntary ‘four-finger rule’, in which four is the maximum number that can be inserted into the wallet of rich, self-absorbed people from the Home Counties at any one time for financial stimulation.

The proposals are finding support from some on the Left, who have long decried the way prime time television has normalised the act of selling houses at auction to buyers who are looking to ‘flip’ it for a profit. ‘Some of them are making more every year by keeping second homes empty than most of my constituents earn in five years. That’s obscene,’ said Julie Cooper, Labour MP for Burnley.

However, most believe the legislation to be self-defeating and argue it will only drive estate agents underground to find more lucrative ways of serving cash-rich buyers. ‘Nothing’s going to stop us finding our dream Grade II listed former mill house in the Cotswold,’ crowed Barry and Sheila Hyde from Walthamstow, who have £1,400,000 to spend on property after selling their stake in the film production company that made the fabulously successful Shit-Eating Cum Sluts series.

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2016 by

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