The Devil (commonly known as Old Nick) and Father Christmas (AKA Saint Nick) have written a joint letter to the Times stating ‘Neither of us is the other’.
‘This has been an embarrassment for years,’ grumbled the usually genial philanthropist. ‘I have sometimes been accused of being a paedophile by luring little kiddies into my grotto.’
‘It’s a right nuisance,’ snorted Old Nick. ‘This time of year I get all kinds of mail from snivelling rat rugs wanting chocolates, toys and mobile phones. It’s not as if the pesky brats are offering anything in exchange worth having, like a soul or two.’
Chancellor Philip Hammond said: ‘Rich people confuse me with one of these individuals and the welfare bums think I’m the other. What do they think I am?’