A man from Norfolk has taken the decision not to send Christmas cards this year, just like he didn’t last year and the year before that and for as long as anyone can remember.
‘It’s just been so busy, manic even. Manically busy I would say’ proffered Cromer man, Rob Flynn.
‘Also you have to think about the environment don’t you? I mean think of all that time it would take me to write them; how many times would I have to boil the kettle; how many task-avoidance drives would I need to go on? I don’t want the seals to die, do you? I mean I could write you one if that’s what you want? Do you want dead seals? Dead seals is all I’m saying’.
Some sources close to the 38 year old have expressed doubt over his motives, however.
‘Rob is a lazy, tight-arse who wouldn’t hiss in a pit if you got someone to hiss for him’ said Mr Flynn’s sister, Catie. ‘I’m not asking for the b*stard Chilcot Report, just a bland watercolour of a religious myth I can stick on the fridge to cover up my children’s frankly terrifying depictions of ‘mummy’. Is that too much to ask?’
A spokesman for Mr Flynn said that Rob was ‘wounded by such sentiments and cynicism’ and that his client would be ‘donating £4.10 for each card I don’t send to a worthy pub. I mean cause! A worthy cause!’