Lord of the Sith Darth Vader has warned his sworn enemies that he will be unleashing revenge in its most ruthless form, simply by living well. The Dark Emperor threatened a low carb gluten free diet, regular exercise, and a vengeful appetite for Alpen Swiss Style Muesli.
‘The Jedis will not know what hit them when they see my flat stomach and younger looking skin,’ Darth Vader declared. ‘They probably thought I would use my Death Star spaceship to wreak havoc upon them, but that pales in comparison to the workout I’m currently getting on this Geri Halliwell yoga DVD.’
Outside of his physical wellbeing, Vader maintained he will show no mercy towards those who crossed him with relation to his emotional and mental health too.
‘I’ve been up to my ears fulfilling the dark side of the force, so I think it’s essential to have some ‘me time’ too,’ Vader explained. ‘I’ve taken up salsa classes as it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, not to mention the few extra calories I’ll burn off doing the Mambo!’
He added: ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold, and in my case it’s a lentil and chickpea salad!’
22nd December 2014