Arthur Robinson has launched a formal complaint against the emergency services after he suffered a catalogue of poor service on Christmas Day.
‘I woke up with a bit of a sore throat. OK, it isn’t meningitis, but still not very nice. Anyway, by eleven it hadn’t cleared and critically I didn’t have any soluble aspirin in the house. Furthermore there weren’t any chemists open apart from Johnson’s on the high street but I don’t go there because they’re snooty,’ he told reporters today.
‘So I called 999 and requested an ambulance. I’d had a glass of buck’s fizz and I’m not inconsiderate – if I’d driven to A&E and had a drink related accident it would have been very unfair on the emergency crews. That was a difficult phone call, especially with a very sore throat, and it took a further forty minutes for the ambulance to arrive. It’s not like the roads are busy on Christmas Day,’ he noted, rolling his eyes.
‘Then I just got what can only be described as wilful negligence, with the triage nurse refusing to let me be treated before the patients who had been in a multiple pile up on the M56. There was no reasoning with the woman: anyone could see they’d be hours patching them up whereas they could have ticked me off their list in minutes. Plus I had a turkey waiting to come out of the oven – if that went up in smoke the Fire Service would have had a word or two to say to A&E, I suspect. Luckily my wife noticed the smoke in the kitchen when she went to top up her Baileys, so at least that disaster was averted. Good job Mrs Robinson isn’t a jobsworth like the so-called emergency services.
‘Then when I finally got to see a real doctor – I refuse to be handled by a part qualified quack, thank you – he tried to lecture me. It’s not like I insisted on antibiotics, it was merely a helpful suggestion. I put him in his place, though. I reminded him in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t his Christmas Day that was being ruined,’ he said.
Chester NHS Trust has apologised for the poor service it provided and suggested Mr Robinson might want to return on New Year’s Eve to have his stitches out. ‘We have a special place in the queue for people like him,’ said a Trust spokesman.